Don’t Be Upset - None Of Us Are Mind Readers

At some point in my marriage, my husband looked at me and said, “how can you be mad at me for something you thought I should be doing”.  I am guessing some of you out there have had this same conversation (or thought) with a spouse, a friend, a co-worker, or a housemate.

Yes, I admit it - I was mad because I hinted that he should take care of some chore. And, of course, because he is not a mind reader, he didn’t do it. 

My thought, “if he cared about me, he would know what I was thinking and do it”.
His thought, “if she asked me, I would do it because I care about her”.

What an eye opening conversation this was.

As humans, we somehow think that people that know us well, care about us, and spend time with us, should just “know” what we want. Then, we get our feelings hurt when people can’t read our minds. What a horrible situation we are creating for ourselves. Over time, I started to realize that hoping people would read my mind was causing me stress, disappointment and anguish.

I must admit, the comment didn’t really take hold immediately, though I wish it had.

But, I have learned over the years to ask what I want. I ask clearly and I give a time frame for how quickly I need it.  “John, can you do xx by tomorrow morning?”.  If he says, “yes”, I even offer to send him a note on the task, if he doesn’t do it immediately.  This way, it helps him remember what is being requested. I do the same with friends, family and co-workers. 

Now… if John doesn’t do it by tomorrow morning - then, he is in trouble.  😊