Exorcising school-age demons

I listen to a lot of audiobooks. Most of them are murder mysteries that are included with my Kindle Unlimited account.  It is amazing to me how many of these star people that return to their home town and face their demons (while solving a murder or being investigated for the murder).  They face their grade school and high school nemesis while dredging up various memories of their past.

And, as some of you that follow my blog posts might remember, I wrote a blog post regarding my picture / keepsake box project.  This made me confront pictures of some people I treated badly and some that treated me badly.  It is weird how keepsakes can cause good and bad memories to creep back into your consciousness.  

We all have demons from our past that haunt us. Most seem to come from being school-aged.  What amazes me is how long we can carry these feelings and how they shape our lives far into adulthood.  

If I could go back to my young adult self, I would ask her to exorcise her school demons much earlier.  I would tell her:

• Growing up is full of social situations that go sideways.
• Most bullies were very scared children, that lashed out to help ease their own pain.
• I was bullied, but I was also a bully - depending on the situation and the children involved..  
• All of us were insecure and scared of making mistakes.
• The popular girls and boys did not always lead the magical lives we thought they did.
• Almost every time I thought people were talking about me, they probably weren't.
• My fashion sense (or lack there of) meant absolutely nothing to anyone but me.
• Having the perfect book binder, book bag or other gadget did not make me a better person, friend or scholar.
• Fretting over everything brought me nothing but upset stomachs; fretting never changed the situation.
• People don't always act out of hatred or malice, even if it seems that way. Children can be cruel, but seldom mean it as badly as we take it.

As I have listened to the audiobooks, many of the characters come to realize that their school mates were not as bad as they thought.  They were battling their own demons.  Many characters figure out that the memories they had been carrying for so long, were not even close to the reality of the situation(s).

During my own walk down memory lane I realized that at times, I really was the bully. I said and did hurtful things. I saw situations wrongly. I reacted badly due to ignorance or pride. I also allowed others to hurt me because I was unsure of my own inner strength. 

I came to understand that it is more than time to let it all go. I apologize to anyone I might have hurt along the way. I hope that anyone I did hurt, has realized that I didn't mean it and I certainly never wanted to scar anyone for life.  I forgive anyone that hurt me; the scars they left have healed.

I am sure we all wish we were better as children, but I believe it is a part of growing up and finding our way in the world. It is time to just enjoy the person we have become and thank that younger self for surviving it all. It is time for healing, forgiveness and understanding.

If you enjoyed this post, please check out some of my other blog posts:

Stop fretting over your decisions

People are People