Embrace Compliments

I was listening to a speaker the other day, talking about gaining confidence. During the talk, he said something that really caught my attention. He said that we should all learn to accept and embrace compliments. He said that by shrugging off a compliment, we were actually robbing the compliment giver. We were eliminating or undermining the good will the compliment was meant to portray. 

He went on to give an example. He said his young son liked to tell him he was the best father in the world. He said that he often just shrugged that off or made a joke of it. After all, he was the child's only father. But, he soon realized that by not embracing the compliment, the son was sort of defeated. He seemed less happy at his dad's reaction to the compliment. The son wanted the father to know how much he meant to him. 

This revelation really did make me think. 

How often does someone thank me for something I have done and I turn around and say it was no big deal. Or, I blow off the compliment with some silly line or joke. They were taking the time to try and make me feel special and I robbed them of that. They wanted to make me realize they understood that I had done something for them and I am making a joke of their time and effort. 

I am now working to embrace compliments. Instead of blowing them off, I try and reward the person with a kind note or huge smile. I tell them I am honored that they took the time to give me a compliment. I thank them for reaching out to me. 

Trust me, this doesn't come naturally.  I think we are all sort of wired to not accept praise or compliments. Funny thing though... as I have worked to embrace compliments, I have found I enjoy receiving them more.  They mean more to me now that I understand that the giver of the compliment is sharing their time with me and making an effort to reward me for a good behavior.  I find I want to continue to do good things for that person.

I have also really looked at the quality of compliments I give. As I said in my earlier blog (Giving Kudos), I try to often share a compliment or kudos.  I think they are important.  But, instead of just giving a standard compliment, I am working to explain what prompted my compliment.  Instead of just saying "nice haircut", I try and say the reason I really like the haircut "nice haircut, it really compliments your face".  Instead of saying "thanks for your help", I try to explain what that help did for me.  "Thanks for your help. It really did explain to me how to utilize that software program better." I am hoping that by making my compliment more specific, it will mean more to the receiver.

So, if someone takes the time to give you a solid compliment, instead of shaking it off, please reward them for their efforts.  Enjoy the compliment.  You earned it!

There is another meal right around the corner

If you have been around me personally, you have heard me say, "There is another meal right around the corner".  I love this saying. Trust me, it took me awhile to embrace the concept, but it really did make my life more fun and more interesting.

In my early years, I was afraid to try new things, especially when we went out to eat.  I wanted to go to the same restaurants. I ordered the same thing. I would freak out if my dish was unavailable.  I was almost paralyzed at a new restaurant, as I tried to decide what I should order.  I was scared that if I tried something new and hated it, I would have wasted good money and a meal.  

John would say to me, "There is another meal right around the corner".  I would ignore him.  He would order something unusual and allow me to taste it.  I would find his choice was very good.  I would be jealous that I hadn't ordered that dish.  And, sometimes, his choice would be very bad and we would need to stop on the way home for fast food or ice cream.

Over the years, I realized that I was stressing out way too much over meals. After all, it was just one meal. I was not going to starve to death. I could eat something different on the way home, or I could just go to bed a little hungry and wake up for breakfast the next morning.  

I began to "risk" ordering new things and trying new restaurants. I learned to eat foods I never thought I would love. I began to really enjoy the concept of going out to eat.  It was no longer stressful - it was enjoyable.

It is funny, I also have learned to relate this concept to other things in my life.  Trying new drinks, watching movies/tv that I would not normally watch, reading a book in a category that I would normally avoid, trying on cloths I would normally never consider, traveling to strange new places, and the list goes no and on.

Embrace the concept of trying new things.  There is always another chance (or meal) right around the corner.

Lesson Learned - Know when you are motivated and unmotivated

Years ago, during a seminar on time management, the speaker told us that we should embrace the times we are motivated and unmotivated, equally.

This concept has helped me immensely over the years. At first, I really didn't totally grasp the importance of utilizing my motivational levels to my advantage. I felt like I should always be highly motivated and tackling important things.  I believed that only the tough tasks were really necessary.  I believed that the easy tasks were not really helping me become a stronger person and get more done.  

I couldn't have been more wrong. I started to really study the concept of embracing my motivation and found that once I did, I actually got more done and enjoyed my tasks more.

For example:

When I am in a great mood and fully motivated, I review my task list and look for the hardest and most mentally challenging thing I can tackle.  

• I write blog posts
• I study
• I plan travel
• I do research
• I paint
• I tackle decluttering on a large scale
• I work to clean quick tasks off my list and blow through as much as I can

When I am feeling less motivated, I look at my same task list and look for moderate items.

• I pay bills
• I watch webinars or teaching videos
• I clean files or emails
• I clean closets or drawers
• I do touch-up painting
• I trim bushes or do moderate yard work
• I do puzzles
• I play word games

When I have almost no motivation, I look at my task list for the truly easy items.

• I file
• I pick weeds
• I take a longer walk
• I look for items for my daily smiles
• I wash my car or clean the garage
• I read a fun book on the porch
• I click off tasks that truly take little-to-no mental ability

There are days I am thrilled to be fully engaged and check off my hardest tasks. But, honestly, I have really learned to love the times when I check off the easy items too. The tasks need to be done and now that I have learned to apply my motivation levels correctly, I find that I actually get more done.

Seasons of Life

I was on a webinar and the speaker talked about the "seasons of life".  What a great phrase.  I had never heard that before and it really gave me a lot of food for thought.

The speaker was discussing this in relation to careers.  I realized that there are a lot of seasons of life. I thought about how my life's priorities have changed over the decades.

• 
  My late teens:
• I wanted to be grown up.  
• I wanted to live on my own and make my own money.
• I wanted to be independent.
• I worked two jobs occasionally and basically lived to work and play.
• My twenties:
• I worked temp jobs and full-time jobs to learn about different companies and obtain different skills.
• I wanted to gain knowledge to obtain a better career path.
• I met John and wanted to get married.
• I wanted to get us out of debt.
• My thirties:
• I wanted to make my business a success.
• I generally worked seven days a week; at least 10 hours a day.
• I began to realize how important my family was and tried to find time for them.
• John and I began to get out of debt and start saving money.
• My forties:
• I wanted to settle in with a company and have a stable career and a steady paycheck.
• I wanted to work less and find a better work/life balance.
• I wanted to spend more time with friends and family.
• I want to engage in more experiences, not own more things.
• I wanted to start traveling.
• I wanted to move to a new house.
• My fifties:
• I want a steady job with good co-workers and supervisors.
• I want to continue to travel more and more.
• I want to continue to spend time with family and friends.
• I want to continue to get to experience new things.
• I want to enjoy my house and work to make it better.

When I think about how my work and life preferences have changed, it is fascinating to me how I went from work and money being most important ... to family, friends and experiences being more important.  

No matter what, I feel lucky to have taken this path. Each priority was necessary at the time, to bring me to where I am now. I am blessed to have been allowed to enjoy so many great seasons of life.  I hope your seasons of life have been / will be wonderful. Enjoy each season for what it is. Try and have no regrets for doing what you need to do to live the life you want to live.

Loving Your Pets - Part 2

On an earlier blog post, I spoke about Embracing My Inner Crazy Cat Lady - Loving Your Pets. I realized that I never talked about feeding them better.

Our goal to feed our cats better came when Ziggy Stardust started having stomach issues.

The vet informed me that I would need to feed them something better than the cheaper store food we had been buying them.

I was pleasantly surprised to realize that it didn’t cost that much more to upgrade their food. They ate less of the good stuff, so it was almost equivalent to what I spent to feed them more of the cheaper stuff.  Win.

Then, he mentioned that we should slow them down when they ate. On a behind-the-scenes trip at the zoo, the zookeepers told us how they used enrichment balls and feeders to help stimulate the animals when they fed them and to encourage the animals to "hunt" for their food. We figured we would give something similar a try. I purchased a few feeding balls from Amazon. They loved them. We also picked up a pachinko-style feeder and a cup feeder. One cat prefers to play pachinko and another loves the cups.  But, they will all still play with the feeder balls. They don't overeat and they enjoy rolling the balls around the kitchen.

Again, I had to embrace loving my cats, because having food balls rolling around the kitchen floor takes some getting used to. Luckily, since I fill the balls in the morning, they empty them each day and then clean up the stray food pieces overnight.  It seems to work well for us all.

This has also seemed to make them healthier and enriched their lives.  They are more playful and more engaged. Remember to love your pets and truly make them part of your life.