Self-reflection should not scary

Yes... being self-reflective is sometime tough.  It can be sobering. It can be scary. But, it can also be eye-opening and very rewarding. In some cases it starts out as a negative and turns into a wonderful positive. It can also make the good, even better.

We have all heard the concept - when something happens to you over and over again, the common denominator is you.  This can be both good and bad. Learning to use these self-reflections to your advantage can really change your world.

The Bad

If the recurring item is bad, it is really easy to want to blame others. Human nature means we like to find excuses that were totally out of our control, as the reason this bad thing happened. Try not to allow this to happen.  Take a honest look at the situation.  What really caused this?  How did my involvement make the situation worse? What could have improved the outcome? If I make a change in my behavior, could I avoid this in the future?

• Example: as I wrote about in my blog, "I am not perfect", I had to really become reflective on my need to be perfect.  I had to realize the damage I was doing to myself and others, in my need to be perfect. I had to honestly teach myself that not being perfect was okay.  Though, this started out as a very painful journey in self-reflection, it ended up being life-altering in a good way.

And... The Good

If the recurring thing is good, you should reflect on how that good thing came about.  What actions did you take to bring the good thing to yourself.  Was it even better the second time?  What could you do to ensure this good thing continues to come your way and improve over time?

• Example:  I enjoy dinner with my friends.  How do I ensure that I get to go to dinner with friends.  I reflected on the best dinners I have had with friends.  What made that evening special?  Before the dinner, what could I do that would make them accept an invite from me?  How could I continue to improve these dinners for them, which in turn would hopefully keep my friends willing to spend time with me?  

I continue to struggle with being self-reflective enough. It does seem hard and it is much easier to just avoid looking inward to solve an issue.  It is very easy to just "go with the flow".  But... I have truly learned over the years that self-reflection normally leads to really great life-altering changes that turn out to be wonderful and necessary to make my life better.